The Legend Lives

There is a tale from centuries gone by. The legend has been passed down, from great-grandmother to  mother, and maybe even between a father or two. A tale of preposterous circumstances, a perfect storm of physics and plastics so harrowing that the details are usually only relayed in a whisper and never when the shadows have grown long and the sun has set. It is the legend of the REVERSE POOPY. Let me set the scene for you......

Mother and baby wake up at usual time. Baby smiles big, gummy grin and both begin their morning routine - diaper change, songs on the changing table, a quick wardrobe maneuver from jammies to the day's [first] outfit. Matching bib is secured around Baby's chubby neck and downstairs they go! Nothing out of the ordinary so far....Baby is placed in bouncy seat in kitchen while Mom gets coffee and cereal. Jokes and smiles and songs are exchanged (albeit mostly on one side). Mom lifts Baby's bouncy seat and places it on dining room table so the repartee can progress while Mom eats. Baby is unusually quiet, but very smiley, so Mom continues with routine. They chat. There is a slight rumbling from Baby's stomach and a subsequent gurgle from his posterior end. Hmmm, no look of deep concentration on his face. No earth shattering explosion. This is clearly only a moderate dirty diaper. No need to rush upstairs. Mom takes vitamins and gives Baby his Vitamin D drops. No more sounds from this sweet child. No unusual smells. Mom scoops up Baby and, singing a little song, saunters upstairs to the changing table. Same old, same old. Maybe not even worth changing! Or, is it.....? Mom places Baby on the table. Something is not right....There are dark spots on the front of his pant legs. Did he manage to drool without Mom noticing? She moves closer for a sniff....Is that....poo? On his thighs? In the front? A feeling of fear creeps through her stomach. She begins to peel off baby clothing. And....it is everywhere. Poo. In places you could never imagine you would ever find it. She thinks, Do I even have enough wipes to handle this? The monkey pants are an unwilling sacrifice. Who knows if the onesie can be saved. She can hardly find the diaper in all that poo. But the fact that it was silent and enormous is really not what you, Dear Reader, should take away from this. Those factors are disturbing but not as uncommon as the inexperienced diaper changer might think. No, the most terrifying part of the whole ordeal was how the diaper completely blew out in the front. No poo up Baby's back. No smears on his bottom. But hideous, orange poo obliterating his thighs and knees. Physically possible? Apparently. Perplexing? Absolutely.